Hurt

Lately I’ve been so overwhelmed with anxiety and hurt that I haven’t been able to operate with a clear mind. Last Friday I decided that enough was enough and prescribed myself to a three-hour yoga session starting with Restorative practice and ending with a Candlelight Flow.

I worked my way into Viparita Karani (Legs up the wall) and began to steady my breathing. I fought to clear my mind, I visualized all the blockage and baggage that was weighing me down and systematically began removing them from my mind. I removed stress and “to-do lists” with each exhale until my mind was almost clear, but then in the quiet tranquility of the studio I found one hurt that just wouldn’t leave. This pain clung to my heart and breath. No matter how deep my breath or how relaxed my body became I just couldn’t remove this hurt. It was as if it were super-glued to my heart.

I found myself being robbed of my restorative. I just couldn’t find the silence that I so desperately hungered after. I moved through each pose, my body opening, but my head becoming more and more frustrated. Everything in me began yelling “Let it go! Rachel let it go!” So much so, that I began to well up with tears. It was at this moment that I realized that the hurt wasn’t holding onto me, but rather I was holding onto it. This realization transformed my mediation. Rather than fixating on the hurt over and over again, I began to allow it to go. Taking deep breaths I slowly began to break apart the hurt. By the time I got to my Flow class my mind felt lighter and just a little bit freer.

Only then was I able to work deeper into my body and my mediation.

Yesterday morning I woke up with that hurt heavy on my chest again. This time, however, I didn’t let it rob me of my day or of my happiness. I saw the hurt for what it was and with a few tears was better equipped to send it on it’s way.

It was such a transformative moment, realizing that sometimes we can do ourselves more damage by holding on to the things and people that have hurt us. Perhaps through letting go of these moments and hurts in our lives we are no longer defined by them. Perhaps if I acknowledge something or someone that has hurt me I can then better let go of it, or sometimes even them. No longer being defined by the pain in our pasts can open up new doors and new freedom, maybe something that we never expected for ourselves, or maybe just a new way to love…

So, I encourage you to acknowledge what hurt there may be, or even what thing in your past may be holding you back from peace, and let it go.

Om Shanti

Namaste