A New Year

A New Year, A Fresh Start

I haven't written in such a long time. Life has seemed to turn upside down on itself. Everything has changed. I no longer blog from the confines of my three-walled cube. Rather, I sit here at my desk in my room, glancing out the window at the cloudy skies and listening to, well, whatever suites me at any given moment.

I've finished my teachers training at have started teaching at Cloud Nine Yoga in Huntington Beach. I also have connected with a few amazing people that I have taken on as private students. As much as I teach them, they teach me. It's a wonderful relationship.

As you can see the Free Yogini blog has a new look and I've finally gotten my website going. Check it out at www.freeyogini.com. There is more to come...

Until then, cheers to a wonderful New Year!

Namaste,

Rachel

Warrior Women

Sarah, Temma, and I took a hike up to the waterfall in Sierra Madre. We found a nice shady spot to get our yoga on! Enjoy the pictures.

Sense of Peace

It's 8:35 in the morning. While I wait for my tea to brew I scan over my 22 new emails. My inbox looks like it's been hit by a tornado. Nothing is in order, but they can wait. I scan the stacks of paperwork, magazine layouts, and raw text piled up on my desk. What to do first? The familiar pang tightens around my right should... the stress knot. Very easily I can let it all get to me. I can become distracted or overwhelmed with it all...I can allow “it” to become daunting.

But where's the joy in that?

Two more minutes and my tea should be brewed. My Sense of Peace.

This artfully crafted, recyclable tin sits, filled with lovingly blended sachets, on the shelf above my computer. It blends in with all the trinkets I've placed up there. Throughout the day my eyes gaze up and delight in these small trinkets, which bring me joy, peace, solace, and nostalgia. A picture of an airplane taking off and a small statue of the Eiffel Tower remind me of travel, a Mariksa doll and picture of my little sister remind me of childhood, origami, a model MINI cooper, a picture of my boyfriend, and a yellow piggybank all create various emotions—happiness mostly. I let my eyes dance around the objects until they undoubtedly land back on that tin...teatime.

Two minutes up… I sip on “Sense of Peace” and white tea created by Master Blender Zhena Muzyka of Ojai California. Her “Gypsy” teas are becoming a sweet addiction, one that I share with family, friends, colleagues, and yogis alike. I like to think about this kind-hearted woman gently blending this tea for those she loves… even if she doesn’t know their name. She gifts the world with such a small token, but really (for me anyway) sitting down in the middle of a hectic workday and enjoying a cup really can impact the way I respond to things, the stress I feel or don’t feel, and may sense of peace.

There’s less than half a cup left now… time to return to reality.

With Peace.

Backbend Bliss

The Beautiful Backbend: Urdhva Dhanurasana



Benefits
A Stretches the chest and lungs
Strengthens the arms and wrists, legs, buttocks, abdomen, and spine
Stimulates the thyroid and pituitary
Increases energy and counteracts depression
Therapeutic for asthma, back pain, infertility, and osteoporosis


Urdhva Dhanurasana or Upward Bow Pose

A heart opener; Stacey joyfully pushed up into this pose—yes blood may have been rushing to her face and her wrists and arms may have trembled a bit, but as she stretched into Urdhva Dhanurasana she felt energy rushing through her body. This pose stimulates all sorts of areas that we as adults forget to feel. In my practice, I find a child-like joy in the pose. Not only does it strengthen the core, but it also opens the heart.

I found a perfect break down in Yoga Journal: http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/473

I suggest following up with a lovely “legs up the wall pose” for a counter stretch. End your day with this…bliss!

Namaste.

Heat

Heat. Right now it’s all I can seem to think about. I wake up in the morning perturbed by the light hitting my windows; turning my little room into a sauna. I set my alarm for “early” hoping to elude the heat, hoping to get a nice little practice in before day is upon me, hoping to find refreshment, but the only thing I seem to find is myself…myself in a state of frustration. I honestly don’t want to move. I want to be lethargic, sit in an ice bath, and downright do nothing. I’m irritable and can’t quickly find my focus. I search for solace but instead find sweat. I struggle to get through my asana’s and worse yet some times struggle to even start my practice.

I voluntarily step into my Bikram studio. I inhale the 106-degree heat. I let it wash over me. So, what is the difference between the heated studio and my heated apartment…

Perhaps intention.

Regardless, when the forces of nature are upon us we can do nothing but to respond in peace. I’ve been fighting and resisting this heat, rather than embracing it. Perhaps if I can just sink into it I’ll find it less embracive than it seems…

Crazy Bikram Fun

Here is Nitin showing us all up with his crazy Camel Pose. "Who does he think he is?"

The Wandering Yogini

Life’s journeys can be like grapevines, twisting around each other, some ending, while others can seemingly twist into eternity. This metaphor is true for my many journeys, so much so, that sometimes I find it difficult to differentiate between them. Which came first? Which am I on? Which have ended? These many journeys are so closely intertwined, they compose one solid branch that is the core of my existence. So, as we’ve all question; what came first the chicken or the egg, I too question what came first the yoga or the travel?



For majority of the time I am convinced that the travel came first; but then again, I think back to my childhood and vaguely remember singing to the trees—if this isn’t a form of yoga, I just don’t know what is. My first “real” yoga class took place in Maui; but I remember sitting in prayer in my hotel room in Costa Rica before that, and before that I recall falling into meditation in the temples outside of Tokyo. These are all forms of yoga, which are so deeply intertwined with my love of travel, almost as if the two go hand in hand. I can’t fly without practicing pranayama breathing, or practicing an asana at the back of the plane. And even when I have absolutely no intention of practicing my practice seems to find me (see image attached to blog post: http://freeyogini.blogspot.com/2008/04/bend-it-through-bikram.html) as during a hike in the south of France I found my “OM”.

It’s the most powerful moment when that realization hits you that this practice is one of the core threads in your life. It changes you…it’s changed me. Which is why I’ve become the wandering yogini.

Down Dog Dilemma

Since last Saturday I’ve been thinking about my Downward Facing Dog, my sad, slippery, down dog.

According to Yoga Journal, Adho Mukha Svanasana is one of the most widely recognized yoga poses. It is supposed to stretch the shoulders, legs, and spine; strengthen throughout the entire body; remove fatigue; increase blood flow to the sinuses; calm the mind, lift the spirits, and improve digestion.

In my practice, all I feel is blood rushing to my face and head, my hands slipping on my mat, and the heel of my hands pressing (uncomfortably) into the floor. I attempt to stabilize, but find myself swaying side-to-side. Where is my balance in this “not so resting” pose?

This morning, all of the sudden, I had one of those “Ah ha!” moments. Again, I am reminded of my lesson in human anatomy. I’ve realized that my elbows hyperextend, which is probably resulting in this loss of balance, and worse yet, puts unnecessary tension and pressure in my joints.

I am mentally forcing myself to be more aware of my body in this posture. I think about it, visualize it, and practice it daily.

And then comes this: An emailed picture of “Sofie’s Perfect Down Dog.” Sofie, a friend’s Lab, so perfectly arches her back and stretches out. She looks so relaxed and happy. I’m learning from her; striving to find this sort of blissful sensation in my own down dog!

Face to Floor

I don’t know if it’s because I wore yoga clothes to work today, or because I touched my head to the ground in Separate Leg Stretching, or because the sun was out and shining beautifully; whatever the reason, I am radiating happiness. I feel this sense of pure joy washing over me. I stretch my arms behind my back and smile. I inhale “OM” and attempt to lock my knees. Everyday I find my practice improving and here, finally, my forehead reaches the ground. I still have work to do…but wow “face to floor” OM.

Stretching On Cloud Nine: Lessons Learned

We are a broken bunch, we 7, we come with car accidents, broken necks, scars, and sorrow. We sit, backs straight, lips curled up towards our ears, sans judgment. We meet in this sacred place—called our bodies, in this sacred time—called life. We lay down any notion of what it is that we think we know, any idea of who it is that we think we are; we set all this aside and come with hearts open…to learn. We come as students to discover the essence of this 5,000-year-old art form that literally means “to yoke” or “to bring together”; yoga.

We are seven students and four teachers—essential strangers to each other’s pasts—squeezed into a tiny room on the 10th floor of the Pacific Tower in Huntington Beach. We stagger our mats for our first asana intensive, which starts with a two-hour practice.

It’d be a lie to say this class was easy, in fact it was anything but: With intensity and intention we moved, nonetheless, to the rhythm of our collective breaths. I could feel the perspiration on my face, hands, and feet. I struggled to stay in Downdog, a supposed “resting” position, praying that I wouldn’t slip right out of it and onto the student in front of me.

In these first two hours I battled with fear, little inadequacies. Why won’t my hips open, or my hands stop slipping? These little voices in my head were quickly silenced during our first anatomy lecture.

I learned: In absolutely no way is one person exactly the same as another; so how unfair is it to compare oneself to anyone else; human composition is so truly unique. This is such a profound yet simple lesson; and yet I find myself doing this in both my practice and in my daily-life. Where is the fruit in this? I can’t seem to find any. So, I’m actively attempting to correct this learned behavior. If I look, I love. It’s amazing how much this self-adjustment can change one from the inside out.

Laugh and Be Free

We took a drive up the coast, pulled into the state beach, and set up camp. Cell phones went off—or on silent anyway—tents went up, and the kayak hit the water. The blue waters and glowing sunset illuminated our campsite. Responsibility and stress melted right off my back. My sister and I laughed, and laughed. We laughed when we squished ourselves into a one-person kayak and nearly tipped it over. We laughed while practicing yoga on the beach and getting splashed by a mini “sneaker” wave. We laughed when setting up our campsite—something I haven’t done since childhood. It was a laugh-fest weekend, mixed with wine tasting, braving cold waters, and soaking up some much needed rays. It was relaxing and refreshing, but I found my true mediation, my true peace, in laughter. It was my “yoga” of choice for the weekend; it was almost like being a child again: Being okay with looking silly and doing headstands in the sand, running on the beach like a wild child, and just being free in general. This is something that escapes us in adulthood so frequently.

There is this picture in my Grandmother’s house that I love to look at. It’s of myself as a toe-head little girl running on the beach. I don’t really remember that day, but I remember the feeling of being “free like a child.” I hold onto how happy it makes me feel every time my Grandma tells me about that day. It’s a return to the core of who I truly am; that girl that sings about trees, the girl that runs and giggles on the beach. We can’t allow this freedom to escape us. Yes, there is responsibility in adulthood, yes we all have obligations, yes sometimes we are just downright too busy and too tired to embrace this freedom, but try to find it, or better yet just allow it to find you, and when it does laugh and be free. …Or just do Happy Baby Pose until you become a happy baby!

Love, Peace, and Namaste.




Stacey in Standing Bow Pulling Pose Dandayamana Dhanurasana

Existential

Heat and light make for relaxed and stretched muscles, and glowing hot photography!

Thought of the Day: Footwear

It’s been a little over a year since I purchased my first pair of Toms shoes; the red canvas ones. They are slowly beginning to show wear—the soles deteriorating, which is probably more my fault than anything as I tend to drag my feet a bit when wearing flat shoes.
One year in and they are a perfect fit, completely molded to my feet. After work, or any other high-heeled day, I throw off the sling-backs and slip on the Toms. They don’t really match with anything in my wardrobe, but I’m willing to clash knowing that just the very act of wearing these shoes inspires. I can’t think of one time that while pounding the pavement that I haven’t been stopped and asked about my funny looking slippers. “Are those TOMS?” they ask with a genuine nod of approval. “Why yes they are… and did you know that for every pair that is purchased another pair is given to a child in need?”
In fact, since Tom's conception in 2006 more than 50,000 pairs of shoes have been donated to children in South Africa.
Just think buying one pair of shoes is gifting a child with a pair of shoes. What a great way to give back. So, pass it forward. www.tomeshoes.com

photo credit: tomshoes.com

Like Breath for Water

It wasn’t until 70 minutes into my 90-minute practice that I realized I hadn’t sipped from my water more than twice. Ten minutes into the floor series and I hadn’t taken any of the opportunities to partake in the wetting of my lips. Well, technically they (my lips) were already wet…with sweat. I was dripping head to toe, and actually wasn’t really aware of it. I wasn’t really aware of anything. Yes, I slid and floated from posture to posture with the class, I even adjusted according to my instructor’s direction, but I never reached for my water bottle.

I was there, completely present in the moment, and yet so completely far away. I was focused on one thing and one thing only: the rhythm of my breath. I sucked air in deep through my nose and slowly allowed it to make its way out.

Inhale; lift up into locus pose; 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, exhale, release.

This steady in and out of my breath sustained me. I felt solid like a tree and yet was limber like a noodle. I had command of my postures rather than my postures having command over me. It’s been weeks since I’ve felt that sort of release. My breath became the controlling factor in my practice. It dictated and spoke to my muscles; it told my stomach to tighten, my legs to lock; my arms to relax. My breath washed through me. It hydrated my organs and bones; it loosened the tightness in my back and released the furrow on my brow. It felt the day, no the week (and actually the week before it) fall off of me. It was such a peaceful release that I felt my eyes well up.

As my practice approached its end I felt fatigue hit, I began to succumb but my breath fought and won the battle. I finished my practice a new person, with a new body. I felt energized and peaceful. Even now, as I sit up in my bed three hours past my “bed time” I feel sustained, productive, and clear of mind. It’s this connection to the breath that energizes our lives, a connection that, when realize, is more powerful than sleep, and more hydrating than water.

LET IT GO

“You’re a yogini now.” A yogini: The female origin of a practicing male yogi; having a steadfast mind cultivated by the disciplined pursuit of transcendence through Yoga—or at least that’s what Wikipedia said. The definition is correct in that I am female, and yes I’m attempting to be disciplined with Yoga, or anything in my life for that matter, but what is this pursuit of transcendence? And is my mind steadfast?
In my daily practice I am always met with variations of distractions:

“Did I pay my phone bill?” “No. Now let that thought go.”

“What should I eat for dinner?” “Pasta. Now let that thought go.”

“I wish I could get my leg up a little higher.” “In time. Now let that thought go.”

My former instructor, Erika, would always say during our short sessions to acknowledge our thoughts and then let them go. But some days I feel bombarded with these pestering and unimportant questions. They attack me in my moments of silence just like they used to attack me before sleep. I don’t want to be that bad “put it off until tomorrow” person. I want to do today what I can do tomorrow, and more. But as a friend said to me today, “Step 1 before Step 5.”

This is truth. We must master our concentration to focus on the current, to focus on what is important, and what is true is this moment. It is not until we focus on our now that we will begin to live back in the today.

Tomorrow is a beautiful imaginary place that we will never reach. So find your today and master it. Be the owner of your todays, everyday. With this peace and mastery there will be no room for yesterdays regrets or tomorrows wishes. You will become the owner of your thoughts and the silence in your practice. What a beautiful place that is.

Love and Namaste.

SOUND OF BREATHING

It went from hot to cold over night. The change in weather drained me. Out of nowhere I’m lethargic and tired. Disciplined I pull my yoga top over my head. I fight with the straps and spandex. For a moment it overtakes me. I succumb to the strength that is 90% Supplex and 10% Lycra. I exhale and with my inhale I give it one final pull, and AH, I’m dressed. Victory is mine! I put my layers on and head to class. I’m still drained from my clothing battle. I want to stick it out and go for the 90 minute session…my mind is in it, but my body is just not there. I stretch and make the mistake of giving myself time to think. Maybe I just want to practice alone today. Yes, I want to practice alone…I want to do Camel in the privacy of my bedroom, I want to stand on my head and fall over with no one watching, I want to pray out loud, I want to light candles, and I want to listen to the sound of nothing but my own breathing.

Love and Namaste

Crows and Coconuts

High off of the sunshiny weekend I galloped (yes galloped) happily around the Bikram studio. I patiently waited for the 4:30 class to end, for the students to leave so that I could score some freestyle floor time. The room slowly emptied and I quickly laid my mat down, stretching all the way to the floor.
Nitin sat across from me, savoring the spare minutes in the heated room. He stretched his arms and then used his strength and pure core balance to push his whole body up in Salamba Sirsasana (Headstand Pose). I watched, almost jealously, as he maintained the position.
He slowly, methodically, rolled his legs down, toes touching the ground first and then came out of the pose. Refreshment washed over his face. He kindly offered to spot me in my attempt… my poor poor attempt, in which he practically held my legs in place. As I felt the blood rushing to my face he asked me if I could breath, I gasped out a little “no” and he slowly released my ankles. I less than gracefully rolled out and came to my feet.
Once I could breathe again I pushed myself back on my head and practiced bringing my knees to my chest. I realized that the key to this practice is core strength—I kept my abs hard and squeezed every muscle in my body, from my tippy toes to my fingers as I pushed up.
One can only stand on their head for so long (or I can only stand on my head for so long). So I came down to my mat and flipped on all fours, brought my knees to the back of my arms and pushed up into Bakasana (Crow Pose).
Now it was Nitin happily and jealously watching, waiting to take his turn. I tried to maintain that sweet balance, as to not come crashing to earth face-first. Nitin followed my lead and pushed into Crow one, two, three… and crash, face planted into the floor with a loud coconut bang. He looked up absolutely dazed, that “where am I” sort of look.
Once he reoriented himself, he laughed off his coconut crash.
We may be getting a little inversion happy, just last week I crashed and burned in a handstand. Regardless of these little accidents our practice is improving. We may have little battle wounds, signs of dedication; I wear them proudly and have to giggle away these little pains, so that I can gallop (yes gallop) into my next practice.

A Loving Hand (Or Foot)

We were frustrated. Correction, I was frustrated. So I withdrew. I did the classic cool-down to the point of coldness that I was this big ice zombie walking around. For a good week I snapped and crashed, cried and threw my weight around—also known as brat syndrome.
What caused this inner tension and outward aggression I’m not sure. Maybe just the daily passage of life; the traffic, the horns, the “hurry up”, “the hustle” the missed lunches, the need for more hours, the bags under my eyes, or the dishes in the sink. Whatever it was it irked me.
I stopped kissing, stopped touching, pulled back, and went numb.
For a solid week I carried this weight with me to yoga. I tried to breathe the anxiety out. I tried to push it out through Camel and Triangle, and yet I took it home with me at the end of the day.
I’m not sure when I realized that this feeling needed to be solved in a very literal “hands on” way. I didn’t realize it when I pulled into the driveway that Friday night, and didn’t realize it as I lit candles and dimmed the lights, I still didn’t realize it as I rolled out my yoga mat and came to a seat.
I think it was a few minutes after that, as my boyfriend walked through my door, that I had set up my room not for myself, but for him. I brought him to the mat, my mat, and tried to recall a bit of Thai Yoga massage. I walked up and down his spine, rubbed his feet with mine, and ran my fingers through his scalp. We didn’t say a word. We remained silent for almost an entire hour and at the end he sat up smiling, but with a glimmer of tears in his eyes.
It was at this very moment that this “hands on” realization hit me. A full week of tension had drained for my body. I was overwhelmed with relief, a sensation I was not expecting. Through pushing myself to love, I loved myself. It was the ultimate freeing experience.

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

When life gives you lemons…

Visit Lululemon: The El Segundo Store

Sunday in the South Bay was warm and relaxed. The majority of the day I trekked around in a pair of Nike running shorts and a white long sleeve shirt, my hair unwashed and face free of makeup (and oops free of Sunscreen, which left me with the consequential burnt forehead.)
My Aunt has finally returned to the South Bay; a home that she always seems to return to—the place is a Mecca for Yogis and ocean lovers alike. We spent Saturday unpacking boxes, rearranging furniture, making runs to Bed Bath and Beyond, and lining her freshly painted cabinets. We worked hard (with little enjoyable breaks eating appetizers and grabbing yummy tofu at The World Famous Spot.) http://www.worldfamousspot.com/

We woke up late on Sunday (8:45 oh blessed sleeping in!) and had an even later lunch at Martha’s.
http://losangeles.citysearch.com/review/133958
After a few more errands we were off for facials at Murad, http://www.murad.com/ but wait they lost our appointment! Lemons, have you seen these pores? Well the lovely ladies there made up for it with some free product. Hey free is good. We decided to check out the new Lululemon store at the Plaza.

Upon entry my senses went into Yoga apparel happiness overload. Hum, forego eating for the next month and fill in my Yoga wardrobe? No, without food I wouldn’t have the energy to practice. But really this place is filled to the brim with goodies. Every corner has stacks and racks filled with everything this yogini could ask for. I was met with bright smiles and truly happy employees. It was just such a cheerful place and lovely place. I highly recommend it to both men and women. I can’t wait to give my new outfit a try. More updates on how it holds up later.

Peace and Namaste.

Here is what I picked up:

Bend it through Bikram

A steady nervousness rushed around my entire body, leaving my arms itchy and cheeks flushed. Attempting to maintain composure, I walked into my first Bikram yoga class, chin-up and fully dressed in thick black sweats. I, like most new students, had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that it was going to be warm, correction hot, very hot.
It was 6 a.m., the sky was still pitch black and foggy, I was squeezing in an early morning session to fulfill a requirement for a college yoga class that, did I mention, was due that afternoon. “Unprepared” was an absolute understatement.
I walked up to the counter, that was literally almost as high as I am tall, and checked in. A glowing, peaceful looking man introduced himself as the instructor, Joe; he walked me through the 26-posture, 90-minute series, and pointed me in the direction of the studio. My nervousness elevated.
“What am I doing here?” I questioned myself.
I walked into the well-lit mirrored room, feeling completely awkward, and set my mat near the back wall—as per Joe’s instruction. A musk, that had soaked into the carpet from the class the night prior settled around me; it was almost overpowering. I looked around, shamelessly spying on the other students. The men and women in the front of the room were absolutely statuesque. Long, lean muscles stretched down their bodies, which were, by the way, covered in very little clothing. Again: “What am I doing here?”
Joe walked into the room and made his way to the front of the class to begin the series with deep Pranayama breathing. One posture in and I was completely confused. “Breath in when… breath out when?” I thought. My eyes quickly shifted around the room, until Joe’s met them; with a reassuring nod I began the Asanas.
As I bent into my first set of Half Moon pose I felt fear, anxiety, and personal pain rushing right out my fingertips—I also felt sweat rushing down the back of my neck, soaking my sweats. Halfway through Awkward pose the sweatshirt came off with a heavy plop.
I slowly followed the motions of the students in front me, correcting my stance and position with the instruction of Joe’s calming voice. For the entire 90 minutes I was completely in another world. I felt the whole gamut of emotion from fear, anguish, and anxiety to freedom, joy, and peace.
As I moved from standing to floor series I fought back the urge to pass out, throw up, or leave the room crying (insert yours here), but I stuck with it. I made it to the end and, as class concluded, the students applauded my first effort. I felt welcomed. I knew that my practice had been less-than–par, but I felt something so powerful emerging from the center of my being. I collapsed into final Savasna, my heart still pounding. It was such a great feeling. As I slowly got up I felt this peace all around me. I knew at that moment that I was addicted.
Recently, my one-year mark practicing Bikram passed, but I still feel that same sense of peace and joy just like it were the first time. Is my practice up to par yet? No. I doubt it’ll ever be as perfect as I want it. I’m always learning, fighting, and challenging myself during the 90-minute routine. Sometimes, I have to fight myself just to get there. But every time I complete a practice I feel my heart growing, I feel that I am becoming more and more myself. This feeling is an absolute gift…and for it I am deeply grateful.
Lately, I’ve found my practice crossing over into my daily life. Tree pose while waiting for my food to warm up at lunch, Eagle after sitting at my desk for too long—when my wrists hurt from too much typing, or my neck hurts from leaning over my desk, I reach up and trace from ceiling to wall with my pointed fingertips. I bend back and feel the warm release soak my spine. It’s the ultimate exhale and a practice that I seem to be taking everywhere I go.